my kids say i drink too much. do i? - highly absorbent
Dear Sugar, I'm a 43-year-
The old man happily married a Good Woman of the same age.
We were 7 and 9 years old and had a good life with our two sons.
A few months ago, our little son said, "Dad, you drink too much beer.
"Since then, he has mentioned it several times and added my wife to the mixture, saying that we all drank too much.
Recently, our eldest son joined in and said loudly, "the other one? !
My wife had a second Bloody Mary at lunch.
This is the case. my wife and I grew up with drinking parents.
My mother and her father.
In addition, each of my immediate family members is either receiving a rehabilitation plan or a rehabilitation plan.
My wife and I know what it is like to drink alcohol, and we know the devastating effects.
I did drink a lot to be honest-
Or at least more neighbors.
I wonder if there is a clear contrast between our sons.
In response, I tried to reduce the amount of drinking and choose to drink water at dinner.
I also gave up the beer because my child didn't notice it, although my little son mentioned it the next day.
When my children comment on my drinking, I don't know what to say to them.
I struggled in the conversation.
What is your idea?
My first thought was a question: what do you think?
Do you think you drink too much with your wife, will your son make these statements? Or is it because they somehow form an incorrect idea that any alcohol consumption is problematic?
Do you need to control how much you drink or explain to your son that you and your wife are moderate drinkers?
My feeling is that you believe it's possible for both, so before you discuss this with your son, I suggest you be a selfassessment.
You did not compare your alcohol intake to your neighbor's (
It's easy for you to get it wrong)
Based on actual data.
Follow up on your drinking over the next month.
I recommend using the beverage counting app, which will provide insight into your specific patterns over time.
With such a record, you can assess whether your alcohol consumption is within your acceptable range.
When your son comments on your alcohol intake, it will also help you to determine if they have a valid point of view.
Drinking more than moderation doesn't necessarily mean you're an alcoholic, as you know, but it shows that you have a habit that puts you at greater risk of problems --
Given your family history of alcohol use disorders, you and your wife have entered a category.
Steve Almond: the fact that your child makes these comments makes it clear that your drinking has become a concern for them.
They may react to what they hear at school, what they see on TV, or even what they see in your own home.
As Cheryl suggests, before you do anything else (and your wife)
Need to figure out how you feel about yourself drinking.
But once you do, it's important that you communicate openly with your child.
You don't need to prepare a statement for your boy or defend your drinking habits.
Listening is more effective for children than giving lectures.
You might want to ask them simply, "Are you worried that we drink too much ? " Such a problem begins.
What do you think will happen?
"In a sense, your child is here to provide you with an opportunity to put aside the stigma and silence that often surrounds alcohol consumption --
Especially in families where alcohol is prevalent.
They also give you and your wife the opportunity to check your own consumption patterns and consider whether they are healthy or not.
My own two children, like your sons, asked me about my wine consumption almost every day.
They asked me if I was drunk or hung up.
They asked me if I had done "shooting" or had a drink and vomiting.
I answer every question honestly, even if I wish I could give a different answer.
The way I talk to them about alcohol is the same way I talk about sex --
Even if you feel uncomfortable, make it as public as possible.
I think it's hard for you to figure out how to fix this, beer running, because when talking about alcohol with your child, you're inspiring them something complicated and adult that you don't want them to go through for years.
But what we know is that your child has come to light.
You and your wife often drink in front of them.
In our culture, this information revolves around them, and there are conflicting messages everywhere.
Praise and condemnation of alcohol;
Ban and freeflowing.
It can ruin your life and make you celebrate.
Your son's review of your drinking is most likely a curiosity disguised as criticism.
They need you to tell them the truth.
So talk to them.
Start with the questions Steve suggested and then volunteer to answer some of your own questions.
Tell them why you and your wife like to drink and why your mother and her father have to stop.
SA: this is very helpful to trust.
You must believe that your child can handle frank discussions about alcohol.
But you have to believe in yourself before you can start a conversation like this.
In order to gain this trust, you and your wife need to think a little about the role of alcohol in your life and play a role in your family history.
It's not that you have to justify your decisions about drinking, it's to check them.
After I recently went through a similar process, my 9-year-
The old son found the wreckage of the marijuana I smoked.
I felt ashamed and defensive at first.
But being "caught" actually allows me to explain to my older children the way and why I smoke and place my behavior in a broader context of drug use in our culture.
I answered some questions and asked some of my own.
I set out my own beliefs about drug use, such as emphasizing the importance of moderation and never driving a vehicle under this influence.
The general message I am trying to convey is that the subject should be brought to light, not hidden.
This is particularly important in a culture that produces so much conflicting and candid manipulation information about drugs and alcohol.
Children may not be mature, but they have a strong ability to absorb.
It is clear from your letter that you and your wife are compassionate, harmonious parents.
It is clear that you have absorbed all sorts of information about drinking from your parents, most of which are confusing, indirect and frustrating.
Think about how much it would be helpful for both of you to have parents openly discuss drinking, including their own drinking.
This should be your goal here.